Life's Not Always a Day at the Beach

I did not ever contemplate considering the manner in which I would die. When Dr. Seldin explained my risk of bleeding and Dina describes stuffing my mouth and throat with ice, I began to think about cancelling the stem cell transplant. I thought, I'd much prefer to work and keep going until I no longer could, and then simply die when my time was up, no big fanfare. Although I am petrified of seeing death, I am not afraid to die. However, make no mistake: I WANT TO LIVE, DYING IS NOT AN OPTION. It is simply unthinkable to me, yet I do know I would hate to die bleeding to death. That is not the way I would choose to end my life. I do realize, however, I do not control this. So, this is why I need to leave my dogs, and home in North Andover and move to a hotel two blocks from the hospital.

- Diane M. Sullivan