I stare at the helmet, the metal glinting in the light, calling for my fingerprints to smudge the metal.

My curtains are drawn shut, and I've double checked that my door is locked. If anyone found out that I bought this thing, I would die.

This is more taboo than a dildo.

I've bought many stupid things before - a dozen books with pretty covers I'll never read, exercise equipment that I only used when carrying the shipping boxes inside, a foot massager, and cooking equipment that only motivates me to get takeout. Wouldn't want to scratch those pretty pots and pans, after all.