high diary it's me, hannah

i've lived so much life and barely any at all and i feel so many things about that. i grew up in the south with only a few real ideas in mind for my future. cute boy, sec school, babies. i leaned into the boys part of that future pretty heavy and didn't give much thought to anything else. then i just stopped thinking at all. i was on autopilot, desperately trying to check boxes on a list i'm not even sure who made. i fell through life with no grasp until i was sure there wasn't a person there to hold on to. turns out i'm a lesbian and the dissociation of trying to fit into the southern belle wife archetype had almost erased me, and the sex with boys i was using to fill the gaping hole from lack of intimacy, wasn't all that fulfilling because it was missing boobs. this is a collection of short stories and poems that i've used to find myself, disgrace myself, laugh at myself, and derive meaning from things i've done that don't feel like i did them. i hope you laugh when you read it, i hope your jaw hits the floor, and i really hope you don't know anyone i might mention. if you are one of the people i mention... lord have mercy.