In order to understand unusual sexualities such as dominance and submission, one first has to consider the question 'What is normal?' If the unique function of sex is reproductive--and the only reason men and women should engage in sex is for the purpose of creating a new life--then only heterosexual intercourse is normal. By this standard, many common acts, even contraception, must be considered aberrant. Reproductive relevance was the Victorian standard of normalcy, and even today many of the laws in the United States still abide by that model. But people have always pursued sex for both reproduction and for pleasure and well-being.

We start from the premise that sex for pleasure is a normal human drive and is acceptable when it brings pleasure to both partners. From this perspective, D&S is simply a 'different' kind of loving.