Lawrence, writing as Thelma Harper, the outspoken, irascible widow from the television series "Mama's Family," dishes on the other candidates, tackles the big issues, and runs a campaign that has everyone running.
Listen Up, America!The solution to your problems has plopped right in your lap. Mama is running for president!Discover How President Thelma Harper would handle: Immigration--I'll tell you how we solve the problem at our border: build senior citizen housing all along the American side. No one sees more than a nosy old lady peeking through her window blinds.Emergency Preparedness--Emergency response should be in the hands of the experts who have the resources and determination to respond quickly. I'm talking about Domino's and Pizza Hut.Airport Security--As long as we have to take our shoes off, I will install a shoe-buffing brush inside the X-ray machine so your shoes will get a little shine as they go through.Animals--If I have a dog at the White House, I will have it spayed or neutered to control its sex drive, which is something that might have been a good idea for some of our previou